Premarital Counseling for Christian Couples

The Lord spoke through the prophet Hosea, “My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge.” God’s people are not hurt, injured, or wounded; they are destroyed – all because they don’t know what to do. It was not unbelievers, but “My people,” that the Lord was talking about.

This book was written for Christian singles preparing themselves for marriage, engaged couples getting ready for married life, pastors and mentors advising believers through premarital counseling, and married couples who are struggling in the fundamentals of a marriage. My goal is to give biblical and practical wisdom to deal with marriage’s highs and lows. We don’t just want to deal with problems; we want to give answers to life’s difficulties.

In Chapter 1, we teach that God is a supernatural matchmaker. He knows how to bring people together – even from the ends of the earth. How did Isaac find his wife? How did Jacob get married to Rachel? How did Moses find Zipporah? God brought them together. I also tell my personal story. Irma and I were brought together through a series of miracles.
A truly Christian marriage based on the Bible where Jesus is Lord should be the best marriage in the world. This is the subject of the 2nd Chapter. There is only one authority in the believer’s marriage – the Lord’s authority. Jesus is Lord. What does that mean? What does submission and headship mean in marriage? We give practical wisdom on a wife’s submission. This is always the New Testament’s first instruction for couples.

The most important verse on married life is Genesis 2:24. Jesus quoted it when speaking on marriage in Matthew 19 and Mark 10; Paul used it in that magnificent teaching on marriage in Ephesians 5; he used it again in 1 Corinthians 6 to deal with sexual problems. This is the goal of married life – two becoming one. This verse is the foundation of this book. Chapter 3 gives practical wisdom on how to keep the instruction of Genesis 2:24 at the forefront of the marriage.
Deuteronomy 22 gives us the truth of the blood covenant. When a man goes into a woman on wedding night and the hymen is broken, blood is shed, and that couple enters into a covenant that lasts until death. Chapter 4 gives practical wisdom on how to live in covenant with your husband and wife. God has established the ultimate blood covenant through Jesus Christ and the cross.

The next five chapters are the core of the curriculum. These are the five practical areas of the Christian’s married life – 1) Handling money in the home, 2) raising children for Christ, 3) communication in marriage, 4) relating to your in-laws, and 5) sex in marriage. There is a lot of biblical and practical instruction in these chapters.

I do a lot of counseling in my life as a pastor, and about 90% of my counseling involves marriages that are in trouble. Each year, more and more marriages are filled with anger, arguing, chaos, division, lies, mistrust, strife, and turmoil. Christians who once loved each other deeply, now hate each other passionately. In these times of marriage trouble, I’ve turned again and again to the powerful wisdom of 1 Corinthians 7:1-16. The man who was never married gives amazing advice to those who are. This is the subject of Chapter 10.

The last chapter is very important. When writing about marriage in Ephesians 5, Paul said, “I’m actually speaking about Christ and the church.” The eternal purpose of God in creation was to find a bride for His Son. As we look at the last chapters of Revelation, we see that all Christian believers are “heading to a wedding.” The Lamb of God will marry His bride. This will be the only marriage that truly lasts forever. The bride must prepare herself for that beautiful wedding and wedding supper with the divine bridegroom.